I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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