While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
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She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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