I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
