The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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