so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
