i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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