just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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