I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
