I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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