Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize