I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
try to milk me bitch
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
