Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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