Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
did i walk over a car last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
