Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why did my mother make you get naked?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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