girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize