I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize