he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You left your phone here
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