Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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