I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You are the jesus of drinking
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
