Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
