i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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