hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
