16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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