It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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