I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize