I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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