Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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