I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
