So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
