Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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