I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
