Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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