you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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