So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
