having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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