My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
