Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
