Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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