I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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