I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
