i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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