he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
