woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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