I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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