eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
