Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
