Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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