So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
