My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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