I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
