haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
