I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
