your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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