If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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