Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
