My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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