; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
