Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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