he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He did a backflip because drugs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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